Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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