bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
