he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
