he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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