Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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