Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
