it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I checked into jail on foursquare
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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