Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
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She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
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You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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