:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
