When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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