Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
