im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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