Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
True strength comes from lack of pants
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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