Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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