i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Enjoy the penises
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
