I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
