Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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