Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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