i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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