His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Panties = found
Randomize