So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
