sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
