In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
