She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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