i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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