is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
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No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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