while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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