Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
