im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
