lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
