i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Can you bring me the toilet please
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
