Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Hippo gnu deer
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
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Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
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You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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