Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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