before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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