She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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