yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
