you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
