I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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