I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
