I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
