OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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