I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
