it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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