i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
