Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
