the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
