i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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