I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
