loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
