the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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