she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
