My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
