is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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