I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
