Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
