it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
