So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
