i love accidental penises.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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