I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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