I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
