Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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