The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
