I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Pooping to opera.
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